Choices

The principle difference between heaven and hell is the company you keep there.

~ Lois McMaster Bujold

                I think the best description of me is that I am eclectic.   In case, you do not know the meaning I will save you the trip to the dictionary.  It is a noun meaning a person who derives ideas, styles, or tastes from a broad and diverse range of sources.  I have friends that are Americans and others born in foreign lands.  I have heterosexual friends, gay friends, and some that are bisexual.  I have Christian friends, a friend that is a Buddhist, a couple which practice Wicca, and even some that are Atheists. I have some that brightest minds and some that are not the sharpest crayons in the box.  I know professionals that make lots of money and some that make a living. That in my eyes is the heaven part. 

                Growing up, I lived with a mother that said I love you but usually only as she was sending me away to stay with relatives because she had not time to spend and in truth, even if she had it did not really want to spend it with me.  I grew up thinking that criticism and absence was a form of love, so I developed relationships with men where I was treated that way. I spent the first half of my life with one single prayer in my head. “Please let me be loved.”  Every day, I prayed and every day I tried hard to feel that way but the next morning once again, I would utter the prayer having realized I never quite got to the goal line.  That in my eyes was the hell part.

                I always give young people the same advice that my Daddy gave me. It is what you make it. Some days it will be the worst hell you can imagine and others the best slice of heaven.  It is a great truth.  If you choose to love people not because they fit into the perfect mold but because they enrich your life and bring you joy. Then you choose wisely. That choice will in turn enrich you and your life. If you choose people that tear down you down and find great fault in who you are. Then you choose poorly and then that choice will leave feeling empty.  .  Love does not mean perfection it simply means that you care enough to forgive the wrongs and work toward a happier place. It means you try hard even when you do not want to try at all.  The bad in humanity is ever so much easier to see because it is readily apparent.  Anger, judgment, and bitterness easily take over and consume you.  You can spend a lifetime justifying them with faith and righteousness. In the end, it all comes back to one thing; it is your choice to make.