Bullying

You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.
Eleanor Roosevelt

                Since his birth, my youngest son, JBear has been the picture of love. He can make you smile on your darkest days. No matter how angry he gets or how frustrated with someone, he is the first to rush to apology.  For him, it is not about who did wrong but about preserving the relationship.  He is smiling and happy.  He is quick to offer help to those around him. He is even quicker to offer his praise and thanks to people for their actions. I have often envied these traits.  Every day he teaches me the meaning of love.

                He is by appearance this incredibly tall, thin young man that looks a bit on the geeky side.  He chatters incessantly, is constantly inquisitive, and like most teenagers has the kid slang down to a tee.  He has a bit of a pronunciation problem when he speaks too fast for instance Kyrie (his sister) is Kywi just so you understand her name is actually articulated as eerie with a K.  He is extraordinarily personable and can strike up a conversation with anyone at any time.

There is also another undeniable truth about Jbear.  He is essentially labeled as handicapped.  He has severe learning disabilities.  He has extreme Attention Deficit Disorder (the scans say about 99%).  He has auditory processing disorder.  Just in case that was not enough, he has memory recall disabilities. He was in enclosed classrooms eight-seven percent of this day throughout grade school and middle school.  In Junior high school, he was put into a regular class schedule with special circumstances. In high school, he has continued this type of routine.  Often his classes are smaller and contain mostly other learning impaired kids. 

                 Due to his disabilities, he is now and always has been a huge target for bullies. Ridicule about his size.  Being six foot five inches tall and one hundred twenty-five pounds makes you stand out in the crowd.  Obviously, his disabilities and capabilities add to this.  The poor kid might as well have a neon flashing sign on his back that says bully me.  An unfortunate truth is that kids are cruel.  Try as I might though to save him and protect him, I cannot keep the world from injuring him.  We talk all the time about letting things go and not listening but his innocent heart and mind, he cannot imagine intentionally hurting someone else so he cannot fathom why they behave that way toward him.

                 I have been doing some investigation work and I want to provide you with some staggering statistics.  According To The Bureau Of Justice School Bullying and Cyberbullying statistics Study:

§  1 out of 4 kids are Bullied.

§  77% of students are bullied mentally, verbally, & physically. Cyberbullying statistics are rapidly approaching similar numbers, with 43% experiencing cyberbullying.

§  Of the 77% of students that said they had been bullied, 14% of those who were bullied said they experienced severe (bad) reactions to the abuse.

§  1 in 5 students admit to being a bully, or doing some "Bullying."

§  Each day 160,000 students miss school for fear of being bullied.

§  43% of kids fear harassment in the bathroom at school.

§  Playground school bullying statistics - Every 7 minutes a child is bullied. Adult intervention - 4%. Peer intervention - 11%. No intervention - 85%.

I have tried to process what that means to me. I feel so many mixed emotions about these statistics.  It raises so many more questions for me than answers.  The first being that as adults, are we the precipitating factor in the encouragement of bullying? Are we failing to educate in our children that while you have the right to stand up for yourself and your causes with respect for others?  Or truly are we teaching them it does not matter if others are hurt by our words and actions as long as we are validated in our actions?  Peaceful protesting has given way to hate. I do not think today’s causes are any less volatile than those to the generations before us but I do feel that the notion of freedom of speech has taken on a disparaging tone.  I find it harder and harder to forgive those trespasses.

I often write pieces with the theme that words matter but I think it is so much more than that, PARENTING MATTERS.  In our fast paced, fast food society, we have a responsibility to not only talk to our children about boundaries and respect but as parents we have live the example.  If we as adults speak to our children with hate or our children are allowed to be party to our hate oriented activities, they will glean from us that hate and bullying are acceptable behaviors.   As responsible parents, it is our duty to talk to our children about healthy responses to negative stimuli.  It is our duty to ask them about their environments and friends.

Talk to your children about bullying. Ask them, if they have been bullied at school or online.  Talk them about the actions and words they use to see if they are aware that something they have done could be considered bullying.  The best offense to the fight against bullying begins at home. It is our responsibility to teach our children decent human values.  If you think your child is a bully, seek appropriate help from a counselor.  If you believe that you are in a relationship with an adult bully and it could be affecting your home life, then please, act responsibly no matter how fearful you are and seek help.  NEVERTHELESS, PLEASE, WAKE UP AND TAKE A STAND, OUR CHILDREN ARE THE ONES THAT PAY.  HELP MAKE THE WORLD BETTER, TALK TO THEM, AND TEACH THEM, IT IS THE RESPONSIBLE THING TO DO.  No Child should fear going to school to learn.  Every child should feel protected by the adults in charge.  Make a difference.