First Impressions

I influence anybody who is able to get through the chaos of my first impression.
Gary Vaynerchuk

                I have seen a post on Facebook several times in the last couple of weeks supposedly made by a doctor complaining about Medicaid.  He is complaining about how the patient dresses so well but the person is on Medicaid.   Another, picturing a extra fluffy woman in a revealing dress published to make people laugh at her. The comments under these posts were disturbing to me.  A Doctor (maybe or maybe not) and a college professor (again questionable), their titles alone seem to make their words and thoughts more valuable.  In truth for me, it made them smaller people regardless of their educational background or professional standings.

                I have met some great people in my lifetime and some not so great people. I know doctors, lawyers, dentists, and teachers that are liars, adulterers, and truly miserable human beings. They dress well.  They have lots of money.  They live in big homes and drive fancy cars. When you first meet them or you know them vaguely, they seem like good people and their titles automatically win a certain respect.  Just beneath the surface, though there is a completely different person you have yet to grasp.

                On the other hand, I know mechanics, factory workers, restaurant workers, and stay at home parents that are phenomenal.  They are usually covered in their mess of their jobs. They drive a beater and live on the “wrong” side of town.  Their belongings are run of the mill.  They count their pennies. They are laugh too loud and work a lot.  They build their lives on faith, honesty, and strong moral values.

                In all honesty, neither of these scenarios though is a complete truth.  It really depends on the person.  My best friend of twenty-two years is an anesthesiologist.  She is an incredible person, one my truest confidants.  Another is used to do IT but recently left the world of cubicles to start a martial arts school.  Still another is a farmer.   They are not my friends because of what they do but who they are.  I know when I am down, when I need to share my great news, or even when I just need to chat, they will be there for me.

                The point is simple you cannot take everything by a glance or a first impressions or limited contact.  To me at least, a doctor that would disparage his patient says to me that he is not truly into medicine to treat patients but for the paycheck to fund his playtime and life expenses.  He broke the oath he swore to uphold, “Do harm to no one.” Not to mention, it is an ethical violation to talk about your patient openly.  Is that really a person you would trust with your life and health? You would not wonder what he says about you when you leave his office?

                Let us consider that patient.  She was on Medicaid and dressed well.  Maybe she is unemployed and needed health care.  Maybe she bought the clothes at good will or wore her only good  outfit to the doctor’s office. In the end, does it matter? In my humble opinion, resoundingly NO!!!! She was there to be treated for her medical issue and she deserved the same respect as any other patient regardless of her medical insurance.

                So, the woman in the dress, okay, I admit as an extra fluffy woman myself, I would not have chosen that dress but that is based on my personal style choice. I admire that she had the self-confidence to wear what she wanted. It is hard when you are a woman of size to find positive feedback.  It is splendid that she has put away the negative and found a life that is her own above all the whispering, finger pointing condemnation that surrounds her.  I say more power to her and  I applaud her for her positive influence on other women of size.

                If all you ever see in a person is the surface, then you are in for a sad, disappointing life. The images change in time and with life. The beauty queen ages, the skinny girl puts on weight, and popular girl   becomes just another face.  Fate and karma can be cruel.  You have to learn to look inside.  Go past the outside coverings and titles.  I think first impressions are chaotic and they give me mixed messages.  As time goes by and I get to know a person, I find a path that either leads me to dismiss a person because they do not really add anything positive to my life or to a path that I want to know them more and more.  There are people that come and go because they were a season fling.  The people that come and stay are the people that I have an intimate, caring relationship with and time only makes it stronger.

                Most bad impressions are truly based on your prejudices and your causes.  Try to remember, not one other person in the world will have all the exact same likes and dislikes.   It is what makes the world turn. I have a girlfriend that will purposely not dress up, not wear makeup and not do anything special with her hair when she went out on a first date.  She said that if they could take the everyday her then they would be worthy of a second date.  She wanted to her first impressions to be the real her not an artificial image designed to look good. The real is what is left when you are done putting all your best on and it will still be there in the end.   I feel you learn more when you are less judgmental and more open.  Life is about using all the crayons in the box.