This time of year, we are all
thinking about the young people we know or have known that are graduating from
their various institutions. High schools, colleges, and trades schools across
our nation are sending the next generation of young people off into the big,
bold world. I am reminded of one of my
favorite book in the Dr. Seuss collection, The Places You’ll Go. We as
parents take a walk through our memories and wonder how the time past so quickly.
It seems you blink and they are leaving home for the first time and then for
good. There are millions of families
snapping photos and cheering as their graduate proudly accepts his or her
diploma. We realize it one more life
step they need to make. We hold our
breath, wish them well but secretly we are all saying quiet prayers that they
are ready. We hope against hope we gave them all the right tools to make good life
decisions. We trust as they take their
first real steps toward that grown up life that they take full advantage of their
education and spend more focus on learning than on partying. Yet, in the end, no matter our worries or
misgivings, we send them on their way.
I was talking to my friend Barb about
her son that is graduating on Friday night.
She was imparting the story to me about his declaration that he is now a
grown up and ready for his grown up life. We both shake our heads. I had to laugh as she convey that he was not
nearly as grown up as he thought he was considering she was still paying his
bills. I agree in part that many
delightful life lessons to learn yet. It
is much easier to take advantage of the good life for them when they are still
living on their parents’ income than when they are living on their own. It was
an interesting phenomena in our household when they figured out paying for the
raise in insurance and the fines for their speeding tickets was a much bigger
deal when it came out of their pockets.
They began to understand that slowing down was essential.
Yes, they are going places…
Their compass is set, their sneakers are packed, and they will learn to run
before they learn to walk again. What
lessons will they learn when they leave? Are they the same lessons we learned?
Did we do too much for them? As parents,
I know that we have all done our best to give our children a good start. I know that I tried to give my children the
things that I did not have when I was growing up. Their father and I gave them many great
opportunities and we trusted them with the limited responsibilities. They all worked part time jobs and helped out
around the house but they all had nice cars, wore fashionable clothes, went to
good schools, and had the income to have lots of fun. They wanted for very little. My friend Barb
was right though, in some ways, when they left home, they were not prepared for
the real world. I do not think it made
us bad parents or them spoiled kids, it just made for hard lessons.
Our schools mandate a class called
personal finance. It is designed to aid
them in understanding budgets and the finances of life. I know my kids all took it and made good
grades but I am not sure they gleaned the lessons that they were intended to
learn. When their time came, it was difficult to let them fall down. I knew that it was the only way life would
really mean something to them though. They made their mistakes but they all
survived. They learned the hardest lesson of all. Sometimes you have to ask for
help.
I remember my father was so proud when I said
I wanted to be a writer. He told me follow my dreams. When my kids, all went
off to school, their father said become a doctor, an attorney, a computer
programmer, or an architect. I wanted to
know where the follow your dreams speech went.
It went to the way of be economically smart so they can give their
children what we gave them and more. I was a bit disheartened. Has life really
become all about what is economically sound or will provide the greatest financial
windfall?
Tonight
I have a few wise words to impart in hopes life would be a tad bit easier.
1.
FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS!!!!
Whatever you choose to do,
wherever you choose to go, remember you choose a lifetime in this moment. You
can be anything, go anywhere, and do anything but it all begins with a
dream. So dream big. Be an artist or an actor but work at being
the best you can be. Yes, we all need to be paid and some paths will be more
difficult than others will. In my humble opinion, it is better to do something
you enjoy every day, than to spend a lifetime making money and hoping you will
find a time to enjoy it. The world will
happily tell you a place but only you can truly identify the dream inside of
you. Share your dream with your parents.
Allow them to see your commitment. You will find that might not end their worry
but it will assure them you have a plan for the future. In truth, that is all the majority of parents
want from their children. To know they
have a plan.
2. BE
FLEXIBLE!!!
The truth is simple in nature
and life; we may not always realize in the beginning that where we will end up
is far from where we began. You have to
be flexible. Learn to bend and grow for the tree that does not learn to bend in
the wind will break. I had magnificent
dreams of being a Pulitzer Prize winning journalist by the time I was
thirty. Instead, I fell in love. I
became a mother. My dream changed. I
wanted to be the best mother in the world. I realized with time that I did not
really want to be a journalist as much as I just wanted to write. It took many years, but I have finished my
first novel and I am working on getting it published. The stories still continue to flow and the
next novel is well under way. The dream
is finally more developed and now it really suits me.
3. BECOME A
PERSON OF HONOR!!!
Start by telling yourself the
truth. That is the hardest first step. When we are young, we see ourselves as
invincible. We are going to conquer the
world and take names. Truth is you are
going to be scared, you are going to make mistakes, you are going to do crazy
things that you hope no one finds out about, and you will find out that you are
small fish in the big pond of life. My
father always said that the most important aspect of life is to be a person of
your word. Do not make promises that you do not intend and attempt to keep. Be
the better person and honestly apologize when you break them. Try to accept
that that you are only human and have a certain limitations. People will accept your mistakes much easier
if you seek forgiveness. Once you give
anyone a reason to doubt your character, you will have a hard time gaining back
the trust you broke. Remember to be good to people, all the time even if they
do not deserve it because people will judge you by your actions not someone
else’s.
4. ASK FOR HELP!!!
When you are lost or broken,
when life genuinely sucks, and school or your career is frustrating you, ask
for help. Contrary to what you might believe, you really do not have all the
answers. Admit that in your humanness
you need someone to show you the way.
Believe it or not, we as parent, have been there done that. Expect that
sometimes the best method for us to help you is tough love. Though we may not bail you out, we do love
you. If that makes you angry, ask anyway.
Asking for help is one of the most difficult things to do but also one
of the most rewarding for both you as the taker and the giver. Learning that getting up can be easier, if
you take the wisdom of the ages and apply it to your life. There is no sin in being down or in need,
just a chance to learn and grow.
5. STAY FOCUSED!!!!
To have a meaningful life, does
not always mean to be happy. It means valuing all your experiences but staying
focused on a goal. It easy to go have a few with the boys, or spend the
afternoon shopping with the girls. It is
easy to take advantage of your newfound freedom and party like a rock star, but
you should do all things in moderation so that your goal never suffers. Most
people will not find a job playing video games or drinking beer. Though I am sure someone, somewhere has that
job; I think it is highly unlikely that those slots open up very often. You have a lifetime to drink, and to attend
all the parties you can, seriously you really do. There is no reason you have to cram them all
into four years of college. I am fairly
certain there is not a major for partying at most college or universities. I know a few of you are saddened and
disillusioned but it is true. So keep your eye on your dream, it is up to you
to succeed. Remember no one is to blame
if you do not but you.
My final piece of advice is this
6. THERE IS NO
PLACE LIKE HOME!!!
No matter how far away you go,
no matter how long you stay, and home is always waiting with home arms. We as
parents know our job is coming to a close but we love you and to us, you will
be our children whether you are 17, 21, 23, or 26. (My children’s ages) We love you but it is hard for us to let
go. We will always worry, we promise to
a give you our opinions whether you ask for them or not, we promise that we are
still watching though it is from a far, and we promise you will not like our
disappointment if you lose sight of the person we raised you to be. In the end,
we still want you to need us as much as we need you. So take a deep breath and
remember, you are loved and we miss you.
The places you will go… The things you will
see and do… We as parents are very proud that this day has come. We are there to support you though granted we
may not always understand.
In the words of Dr Seuss…
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