Why Not?

   I was chatting with a friend of mine recently.  After moving to another state, he has begun the tedious process of finding a new job.   He had always done construction work as supervisor but was considering an entirely different career path.  As the conversation progressed, he mused about his oldest son’s response to his dilemma, “why not Dad?” Now he said it as if he was amazed by the question but in truth, I wanted to know the answer.  To me, it seemed like a simple but intelligent inquiry.  The reply was filled with all the major concerns that were usually preceded by what if.  If you consider the how innocuous the these four small words are all by themselves, one would really have to would probably laugh hysterically about the fact that in truth these four words are the leading causes of  centuries of debates and worry.  Analyzing and thinking the process through is truly an admirable quality. However, at times, I see that it could cause just as much chaos as runs into the fire and sorting it all out on the go.   Why Not? What if?  They are simple words but when used together they have the power to haunt you for a lifetime if you let them.  The question is why do you let them.

I love this clip in the movie, We Bought A Zoo.  The character Benjamin Mee lost his wife. In a bid to start his life over and to help his children heal, he purchases a large house that has a zoo. This is welcome news for his daughter, but his son is very unhappy to leave his friends and the life he has always known. The zoo is need of renovation and Benjamin sets about the work with the head zookeeper, Kelly, and the rest of the zoo staff. The zoo soon runs into financial trouble. The staff must get the zoo back to its former glory, pass a zoo inspection, and get it back open to the public. At the last moment, he finds a substantial amount of money that his wife left, knowing he would need “seed” money for a new adventure.  Her only instructions were not to listen to reason but to follow his heart.  If you have not seen the movie, I highly recommend it.   The film is based on the true story of this family.  I was so impressed with simple understanding that this woman had for her life.  Why Not?  She recognized the value of allowing her heart to guide her and that by risking she would find the best of rewards.  She did not live her life plagued the what if’s. 

                Along time ago, my father said to me, “Girl you have a tendency to jump off cliffs and learn to fly on the way down.”  I know he did not entirely mean it to sound insulting but I know he always worried about how much my lack of thought in the decision making process would hurt me.  I think about decisions but I often find when I am having trouble making up my mind, it is because I am trying to talk myself into doing something that does not settle well inside or something I know it will lead to disaster but I really want to do it anyway. Early on in life, I realized the value of discernment.  I tend to have an intuitive perception of the right answer.  Now it does not always work but I find it has its blessings.  I do not think that I have stopped worry or questioning but I have managed to cut out the trepidation about jumping into things most of the time. I know sometimes I will land successfully and sometimes I will fall on my face. I accept that risk because the simple truth is this you can never learn to fly if you are afraid to fall down.  Yes, that means you get hurt sometimes.  Yes, that means that it does not turn out the way you want occasionally but I would rather live with the agony of defeat than the continual gift of regret. Have you ever noticed that regret and guilt follow you like your shadow?  They just keep on giving.  Yes, I have regrets today. There are certainly things that I wish I had done differently but for the most part, they are not about the risks I took as much as they are about the relationships I chose.  I talked myself into some really rotten men. 

Life is full of questions. You can plot and plan.  You can reflect on them for a great deal of time.  In the end, it simply comes down to making a choice.   For some that is easier than for others.  Eventually, you have to decide to risk something in order to gain something.  The strategies we use in making those choices vary. After doing some research, I want to pass on a few thoughts that the experts and others say they use to make decisions.

1.       Distract yourself with something else for 2 to 5 minutes. Brain scans during experiments show that after a small distraction your mind more readily focuses on an issue. (Carnegie -Melton study).  Does it work? Sometimes if I walk away for a short time, I can see a different point of view and at other times, I think it makes me more apprehensive. While I have mixed emotions about the use of this strategy, I cannot dispute the validity of it.

2.       Avoid impulsiveness.  I have to say I probably fail at this one.  Instead of pushing yourself, try doing something to keep busy and resist the urge to make choices based on a whim.  One article suggested drinking several glasses of water and setting specific times to wait before using the restroom. (No, I am not making this up.)  They say it is a method to training to your mind to avoid rash selections. I can see the value of this to avoiding impulsive spending.  Buyer’s remorse (the guilt about a purchase) can have negative impact on your ability to commit to a decision in the future because you become unable to trust your own judgment.

3.       Limit your options. In our household, my daughter struggles with the simplest things, for instance what to have for dinner or which movie to watch.  In an attempt to make the process quicker and easier, we have the three choice method.  We begin with three possibilities and then she is able to hone in what she desires much faster. When faced with too much variety, the stress can overwhelm your senses.  With a limited field, the selection process is easier.  This works best if you have someone help with the initial breakdown.

4.       Go for a walk clear your mind or do something physical.  My grandmother used to call this clearing out the cobwebs.  The physical exertion helps your body to stay in motion as well as your mind.  There is a lot of science involved here too but I am not sure how to explain it well so I will leave the attempt alone.  Sometimes, all you need is a clear field of vision literally to identify what is standing in your way mentally. 

5.       Seek out advice. We all have people we talk to about different things.  They can often point out to us, a path we had not seen before or they may have some knowledge that we do not have.  Sometimes, it is as simple asking the waiter or sales clerk which one they would choose because they work with or around the product all the time.

6.       In the book, The Art of Choosing, they suggest considering all your choices at the same time instead of one at a time.  This is said easy but done difficultly.  Usually people tend to think in one dimension so seeing all points of view at the same time may take effort.  Out points of view are clouded by learned and taught behaviors from everywhere, schools, churches, offices, ect.  It is hard to see something from every direction when you are trained to think of it in one way or another.  People often think they are open minded and seldom realize how narrow their vision truly is.

7.       Think through each option and its consequences by imagining the future. Consider what happens in an hour, a day, a week, and/or a year.  Visualize how this choice might play out in the future and what paths of your life and those in your life that a choice might affect.  If you are truthful with yourself, you might you can see the repercussions both negative and positive.

8.       Weigh out the financial costs versus the monetary rewards. This can be difficult at times because what solves the problem today may be the problem tomorrow. Risk and reward go hand in hand but so do stagnation and destruction. 

9.       The last one is one of my own. For me, I think it is the biggest consideration. KNOW YOURSELF AND YOUR CAPABILITIES.  Life is easy if you can be truthful with yourself.  If I am capable of this much today then tomorrow, I should exceed that.   Risk will not seem do daring if you are in touch with yourself.

      The bottom line is this.  These are all valid strategies and they can all aid you in making a choice but ultimately you have to make that choice.  T. S. Eliot said, “Only those willing to risk going too far, can possibly find out how far one can go.  You have to be willing to jump off the cliff.  Sometimes even though you think, you know the answer, it will not turn out and you will fall down.  The only guarantee in life that I can truthfully say is absolute is that once you are born, you begin the journey toward death.   What you do in between is entirely up to you. Me, I think I still have a few more cliffs to jump off before I am done.   It is simple, when you get down to the heart of the matter, if you want to avoid the regrets and the “what ifs”   all you have to do when you are considering the your options is ask yourself, Why not?  If you cannot come up with some really valid truths, then risk something because the reward is waiting.