The Great Moral Dilemma

          

We live in a small city that houses three major college campuses.  The biggest one is the University of Missouri.  Young people a bound especially during the nine months of the school year. For the most part, it is a calm, quaint kind of town except on football Saturdays when of course town is abuzz with Tiger spirit.  We are surrounded by many small towns and farms.  It is situated between two major cities.  It has been a wonderful place to raise children.  We have some wonderful concerts, great restaurants, and even a little touch of opera and theater  For the most part, we have managed to avoid high crime rates and the big city issues.   Rush hour traffic usually means it takes us thirty minutes to go across town versus the normal fifteen. We are by no means a small town as the population is one hundred nine thousand people.  We really have the best of worlds, small town charm and big city opportunity. 

Up until this fall, we had two high schools and have the major rivalry between them with a clear division between those that went to school on the north side of town and those that went on the south side.  Even though I currently reside on the North side of town for economical reasons, in the great family tradition of his siblings, my son goes to high school on the south side.  So at least two thirds of the month, we transport him across town in the morning and make the same trek in the afternoon to pick him up.  The drive takes us right by the Planned Parenthood Office.  Many times a week there is a long line of protestors.  At first, there were fairly benign.   Lately, they have had to be removed and there is an officer stationed there. There clear signs that say that it is private property and those violators will be prosecuted.   I have read the signs of the activists as we passed. I have witnessed those going in being escorted and heard the ramblings of those aggressively trying to speak to them.  Most of them have a common theme, we will pray for your sin as you kill your baby.  I shake my head with disdain as these “Christians”.  I wonder aloud some times to my children how God would feel about their use of His book and His name to further their own agenda and fuel their hatred.  It makes me sad and ashamed. 

Recently, my news feed is filled with angry postings about the subject too.  Those both pro choice and pro life are complaining that no one is listening.  Crazy statements are being made especially by men concerning the matter advocating that even rape victims should not have the right to choose.  A woman’s body does not shut down the need to reproduce just because she is being raped. That was an absurd statement.  A senator that advocated women should go back in time to the wire hanger method if she really needed an abortion.  I wonder if that were his daughter or sister how he would feel about the matter.  A candidate that even promoted the thought process that a child of rape should not be punished for his creation has made the headlines.   Seriously???  All of these arguments have one great common denominator~~RELIGION.  The moral majority speaks loudly.  I, for one, am no longer listening.  The campaign of hate and hurt made any valid point you once had mute.

So, let me be thoroughly clear on this matter.  I am pro choice and while I do not agree that women should use abortion as a contraceptive (as in instead of protection and safe sex) I do agree to their right to choose for themselves what is the right and just decision for their lives. I have to tell you that it is not an easy decision.  I have never known a woman yet that did not agonize over making the decision at some point.  I am sure many will tell you that in later years they regret their choice but the point being they had the right to make a CHOICE.  I want to be even clearer in saying that I am a Christian. I have a strong faith in God but not so much in man these days.  If being a believer means to you that you are God’s jury and you can decide for Him what is just and right then I think we read different Bibles.  Quite frankly, I have to say I am not interested in reading yours.   Susan B Anthony once said, “I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do, because I notice that it always coincides with their own desires.”  I think she is a very wise woman.

The great moral dilemma is simply this.  Do you have the right to impose your beliefs onto others?  The interesting issue that ensues is that when it applies to subjects that directly affect your belief system you say yes but you say no when it affects the lives of others you could care less about.  For instance, there is one failed attempt to conceal a bomb in the heal of a shoe and today millions of American travelers are now removing their shoes in airports but sixty one have been injured in mass shootings since 1983.  We have done almost nothing to ensure the safety of our children in schools or effect gun control.  Why is that?  We have the right to bear arms according to the Constitution.  I have the right to the pursuit of happiness and I have to be honest with you, it does not make me particularly happy to take off my shoes in the airport.  So I say do away with it.   While you can carry a firearm, having grown up around hunters all my life I have to be honest and tell you if you need thirty rounds to kill a deer you are a really poor shot.  How can a person advocate being prolife and then stand up for the death penalty?  It happens.  Since its reinstatement in 1976, one thousand three hundred and thirty-eight men and women have been put to death.  Because they did something wrong and in some cases horrible, we opt to take their lives. How can you justify both sides of moral outrage? Advocates against gay marriage say it will lead to the downfall of society but they used the same argument against interracial marriage fifty years ago so far I do not see war in the streets.  They are not asking for your approval of their lifestyle they are just demanding the same right you are afforded, to have a happy, successful life that is recognized by law.  Again, the pursuit of happiness is a guaranteed to us.  The moral belief of religion is rooted in each of these cases.  Punishment is an eye for an eye.  You should not kill.  The church advocates a man should be the head of his household and protect his family.  Here comes the but, and it is a big one, BUT government and religion should be separate. Morality is individual and unique as religion itself.

Everyone is outraged about welfare, those receiving government benefits for healthcare, and education but yet have you ever considered that we are spending $25.7 billion dollars a year on foster care (which by the way is a train wreck) or that we are spending over $100 billion dollars alone on the treatment of children that are abused and neglected.  Here are some interesting statistics about children in foster care that affect your bottom line:

·         40,000 new infants are placed in foster care each year

·         25 percent of the individuals who end up in prison spent time in foster care

·         30 percent of all people who are homeless spent time in Foster Care

·         The average number of home placements per child is three

·         Girls in foster care are six times more likely to give birth before the age of 21

·         50 percent of foster youth are unemployed four years after leaving foster care

·         37 percent - 48 percent of foster children don't finish high school

·         Only 7 percent of foster children attend a four-year college

·         Only 1 percent of foster children graduate from a four-year college

These are staggering statistics that say to me, we have a huge conflict in this country.  We talk about the good of a child however, we are not taking their welfare into account at all.  We are standing up for a cause that is lead by the moral climate.  It is the children that are paying for our decisions. That should be self-evident.  We all say we want to help but in the end, we do not.  So where is the moral outrage for approximately 500,000 children in the foster care system? Instead of protesting a woman’s right to make a decision about her about and her future, why are we not protecting the children that are actually living, breathing, and crying out for our assistance?

It is a correct to say that a child should not be punished for the sins of the parent but neither should the victim of a vicious crime be punished because she was attacked.   It is not easy to give birth to and to raise a child that would remind you everyday of that attack. In my humble opinion, it takes a very strong, courageous woman.  Not every woman is able to do that. I feel it is unfair to ask them too. 

I have been both blessed and cursed in my lifetime with pregnancy.  When I was young, I gave birth to a daughter that I gave up for adoption.  For many years, I tried desperately to set aside any thought of her because I had no idea what happened to her and I questioned a lot if I had done the right thing.  It carried with it an incredible sense of guilt and worry.  Later, as I had my own family, she appeared in my life.  She has by all means had a good life and has great parents, for that I am very thankful but ours is one story and they do not always have positive outcomes.  Even now though, I am so aware of that relationship and I struggle to maintain a friendship without imposing upon her life.  I feel quite often as though I have failed in all directions when it comes to her.   In truth, all I have ever desired is for her to be happy, for her to have a life I could not offer her.

I do have four of my own children.  After the birth of my first son, I was diagnosed with a chronic kidney disease.  The doctors told me it would be unwise though not impossible to have more children.  They told us each time that there was a high risk of kidney failure and even possible death.  I was not a candidate for transplant due to the nature of my disease.  There option was always abortion.  I will be honest in saying this to you; I did take that option once in my marriage.  We had three kids and I was in my thirties, the risks seemed to be growing.  The medications that they had given me in hopes to put me into remission were not working. After lots of discussion and prayer, I had an abortion.  It was sad and hard.  I was depressed for a while afterwards.  Was it the right decision? Yes, I feel it was the best judgment for that time and in that space.  I would later go on to have another child four years later.  He came after my ex-husband had had a vasectomy, and we both felt it was just meant to be.  I was also then in remission for two years.  I also realized that I did not feel emotionally strong enough to deal with making the choice again.   He is a great gift even though he is mildly handicapped. 

It is hard to make a choice when you are pressured about what others believe is right and wrong.  . In my case, the alternatives were not great either way, choosing between carrying a child and being there to raise my current children.  In truth, it often felt as if it were the lesser of two evils. To this day though, I will tell you this, I am so grateful that I had the OPTION.

I hardly think my story will change too many minds on this issue but I hope you come to understand your morals and your religion are your choices.  How you apply them to your life is your CHOICE. How you would handle the situation is based on your ability to cope in every way.  As my friend, Stephen says though, “when every child has a safe home, medical insurance, the rights to a good education, food to eat, and a loving, caring environment to grow up in then in truth abortion is unfortunately necessary.”  While you may not agree, I am hoping you can learn to be less judgmental and more compassionate to others around you.  Remember, no matter what your belief system is it is personal. Try to find it in your heart, to say a prayer for compassion and understanding.  It is all anyone really wants. Condemnation only serves to further perpetuate the problem.  If you are not part of the solution then you are a part of the ongoing problem.