Gossip

“Hey guess what!”

                “I found your nose.”

                “It was in my business again.”

Originally, this witticism was meant to be sarcastically humorous.  It certainly made me smile at first, until I realized how exasperatingly true it is on a regular basis with far too many people.  It would seem that America’s favorite pastime is no longer baseball but gossip.  The rumor mill seems to be cranking out new trash at an increasingly swift pace.  The tales of celebrities, politicians, professional athletes, and even infamous criminals are flying off the newsstands around the country. Americans have created a multibillion-dollar business of entertaining the gossipmongers.  Newspapers, magazines, television, and even online all carry the antics of all your favorite people and even those you love to hate.  Tune in, turn on, read up… It’s all there some version of the truth very seldom ever verified for accuracy.  The juicier the tidbits the more money there is to be made.  So please, repeat it all and be sure to give notice where you got it so even more of your friends can contribute to the wealth and success of GOSSIP. 

There seems to be an endless supply of rumors to go around.  This celebrity is sleeping with another’s spouse.  That one is doing drugs. That politician is getting his bottom tickled with a pink feather.  Did you hear about the one who was arrested?   I bet he is not going to jail. Of course, we need to know how much they spend on vacation.  God forbid, we fail to share in a family misfortune or be the last ones to see the baby’s first pictures.  His or her heartbreak is certainly something everyone should be shared.  My personal favorites are their divorce settlements and how much money they make. Seriously, we all want to read about the fact that one person needs ninety-six room mansion on ten thousand acres.  I have not a single other thing to do than to dedicate my time into knowing more about the famous and the infamous nude bathing on some beach in some foreign land.  Did you know that pro athletes are doing steroids? It’s the only way to win really.  Let us not forget to point out their sexual preferences because who they sleep with and how many is so my business. 

Even today’s tragedies are blown up, exposed, and turned into to an agenda for some special interest group.  I remember only hours after the shootings at Sandyhook Elementary, groups were calling for gun control to protect our children and still others were saying arm the teachers.   Let us not forget the wave of negative Muslim sentiments that happened after the Boston Marathon and the bombings on September 11^th.  Just yesterday, new problems arose with the shootings in the Navy yard in Washington D.C. and already Facebook is busy with this and that posting.  My first thought was oh my gosh, here we go again.  Please feel free to be judge and jury over a trial that you heard about for five minutes on the some social media because obviously that scoundrel needs to be put to death.  Really, why worry about proving his guilt or anything.  Let us all remember to keep bigotry alive by pointing out the race of every criminal versus the ethnic group of the victim because that is the only reason that he would do that. 

My favorite response is let us pray!  Are you freaking kidding yourself or me?  Let us pray to be saved from the temptation and the desire to think we really need to know all the gory details to begin with.  We need to spend more time praying for our own sins, than those of our neighbors.  In truth, I feel like the mere mention of Christianity and gossip are fully at odds with each other.  Instead of let us pray, we should just simply be truthful and say let us repeat all we hear with no concern for truth because it that is our real intention.  It frustrates me that people use the Bible to beat you over the head with your sins.  I do not need you to play God for me. A little more self-discipline and self-scrutiny is what is truly in order.   I could be very wrong but I do believe that Jesus one said to a crowd of people wishing to stone a fallen woman, “Let the one among you who is without sin be the first to cast a stone.”  (John 8:7)

What makes gossip so preferable?  Why do people so easily fall victim to the desire to talk, tlak , talk?  When you are sitting there passing judgments on people you do not even know do you feel better about your life?  Does it someone how alleviate your stress?  I do not know.  Personally, I try to do it as little as possible. I always wonder what people are saying when I leave the room so I try not to be the person saying anything.  I love to watch a good movie but I realize as a fan that they are doing their jobs.  They entertain me for a short while.  Their lives like mine are separate from their jobs.   As a writer and amateur photographer, I invite you to view the world from my eyes.  I share my point of view and my thoughts with everyone that reads or views a piece of work.  You are welcome to glean whatever goodness from the composition that you can.  You are also free to disparage its contents and the subject matter at hand.  This does not give you the right to pass judgment on me as a person or the right to be educated about my private affairs.  You may think you know but often there is far more hiding from plain sight that is not revealed.  That obscure vision alone makes your opinions useless.  As a life coach, I am invited into your world to help you solve an issue in your own life.   I am there to help you find a more positive path to travel.  I am not there to cast disapproval on your very being.  Talking about your tribulations to other people is not a productive solution for you nor does it make me my job rewarding emotionally, mentally, or financially. 

Gos·sip (ˈgäsəp)

Noun

1.       Casual or unconstrained conversation or reports about other people, typically involving details that are not confirmed as being true.

"He became the subject of much local gossip"

Verb

1.       Engage in gossip.

"They would start gossiping about her as soon as she left.”

By its own definition, gossip is detrimental to the truth.   It is merely the accusation of supposition.  The nature of gossip is that it might have started with some grain of truth.   Then it is repeated time and again. Every time some of the words are changed thereby making the story different.  Each person adds his or her own conclusions and in doing so changes the story a little bit more.  Then the small parts are omitted thus changing it even more.  In the end, whatever morsel of truth once existed has been lost in a sea of confusion and personal embellishments.

Obviously, the best way to avoid gossip and the collateral damage it causes is to merely not engage in it all together.  I think that should be understood.  However, for my purposes today I will repeat the warning for encouragement.  Just because you hear it, it does not mean it needs repeating. Sometimes a silence is much more powerful than words.

Secondly, the old attaché, think before you speak comes to mind.  My dad you to say you should always chew on your words a bit before you spit them out.  I do believe in healthy, productive communication.  I believe that talking things out with others makes us better human beings.  Talking ABOUT them, not so much though.  Therefore, before you repeat what you think you may know, just take a deep breath, and think on it.  Is what you are about to say harmful or helpful?

Thirdly, ALWAYS TRY TO TREAT OTHERS THE WAY YOU WISH THEY WOULD TREAT YOU!  If you would not wish others, to be discussing your life and its vicissitudes then remember they too feel the same way.  No one is immune to the harm words can cause.  It often creates even more of a burden on anyone to fight gossip.   I am reminded of a story I heard once about a man that was accused of sexual abuse with a student. It turned out that the student had lied and the man was exonerated completely.   The damage was insurmountable though.  The man lost his reputation and his livelihood.  After an extended period, the man committed suicide.  He felt that was the only way to save his family.  He had done nothing wrong.  Gossip made it seem impossible. People are often more easily swayed to believe the bad about someone than the good.

Fourthly, be the positive influence.  Words are powerful.  Use them well and they will serve you well.  Remember that life is precarious at best. One day the winds of fortune are blowing your sails across the ocean and the next you are stranded in the middle of nowhere.  No one gets through life unscathed.  My cousin Becky asked on her Facebook status last night, “How do you see yourself?”  Her version was that she was rough around the edges and had walls built to protect her from outside harm.  My version of her was that she like so many others had grown roots. Like the tree that weathers the storm, her roots keep her firmly unshakable during the rough times.   I see that she is careful to bend with the wind but not so far that it broke her trunk.  I think it makes her admirable.  What I wanted was to give her a firm and positive outlook to replace the somewhat negative and broken one she had. 

Last, remember to deal in the truth.  Investigate the things you pass on if you can.  Tabloids are filled with half-truths and lies.  If you do not know the facts, then do not treat it as truth.   Be skeptical, be practical, and be positive.  Treat gossip with indifference not a necessity to engage in during your day.  

No matter what I write here today, I cannot change the fact that people will do what they want.  Some of them are bound to spend a lifetime selling words as a whore sells sex on the street corner.  You can only be held accountable for your own actions. One unfortunate truth is that there is so much of life that affects us that is truly outside the realm of our own control.   All you can do is be a better person yourself and hope to lead by example.  No one is perfect or above reproach.  We all make mistakes.   We share things or say things we did not really mean to repeat.  We have all made the error of using what we know, true or not, to hurt someone in anger.  All you can do is apologize, try to make amends, and move on.  You can only try everyday to be better than one before.   Gossip is a growing addiction in this country.  The movement to contain it begins with each individual.  So do your part by just saying no.