The Court of Public Opinion

The court of public opinion has been on my mind a great deal this week for three very different reasons but all of them leading me to the same place.  First, my daughter is an artist and she is having her first art showing.  We are all excited for her but at the same time it is very different from the school setting where the only judge is a teacher and their opinion about how well you grasped a concept they are teaching.   The second was the Voice. It has gotten down to a five very talented and equally balanced entertainers but in many different genres of music. However, as we said adieu to a couple of singers and last week Twitter and Facebook were alive with venomous talk about the remaining few and what fools the rest of America is.  The third was a happenstance with a young man that my entire family is acquainted with and his need to publicly announce his private affairs.  They all involved John Q. Public but one has to ask to what impact and why varying opinions matter. Now for the record, this blog is not about singling anyone out to bash him or her but to explain a point.

          First, it is very exciting to have been a part of the process as she chose her pieces and carefully weighed her ability to capture the right image.  She was so excited as we began to frame them. Then anxiety set in as she hung them on the wall. The thought that other people outside her family would view them and even worse critique them came to her.   Her excitement was waned a bit more when her father chose to tell her that a few pieces were not going to sell because they would not be desirable.  She listened carefully and then feeling a bit discouraged she questioned her decision to use them and then began to justify her decision to do so in the first place. It was certainly his right and his opinion but the timing really stunk in my opinion.  I think the moment simply called for the proud father talk and the “it is going to be incredible” speech.  Therefore, in that instant he cast a sense of trepidation over the entire event before it had even truly gotten started. The issue was this simple. Every artist does his or her best to disclose that part of their soul that is invested in a work, be it a painting, a charcoal, or even a blog.  It is hard to be so open vulnerable especially nowadays when people have become so bitterly cynical and at times downright mean.  It was especially difficult when someone close to you works to destroy the little moments of the bigger picture.  It effects you self-esteem.  Self-doubt is a harsh gift to leave with anyone especially your own child.  It is much like guilt they are the gifts that keep on giving for a lifetime.

          The second instance was a completely subjected to a whole nation of tastes.  We have been blessed with a wide variety of music genres in the United States.  No one will have the same tastes as another.  The object of shows like The Voice is to discover talent in young or unknown artists, help them to develop it, and to introduce them to a very competitive world.  Now, there were people the judges elected to send home that I shook my head at and said, “What are you thinking?”  I openly admit I love music but I cannot carry a tune in a bucket. So I base my opinion, on the voice of  people that I feel have talent that appeals to me. I do not think in terms of Country versus Rock so much as I do if they preform doing a  proficient job at the musical choice they are singing.  Now last week one of the contestants, Judith Hill, was sent home. She was talented but for me her physical persona was a problem and I lost interest in watching her perform.  She was already incredibly tall and then chose to wear really high heels. She clothing choices were a bit odd for me. I did not mind listening to her sing but watching her made me frustrated.  I was happy to let her go home.  I am more of a fan, at this point, of Danielle Bradbury. I think it is amazing that a sixteen year old can have such a great voice but also have such a natural stage presence.  Those are MY opinions. They mean nothing in the grand scheme of life. As I skimmed the Facebook pages of The Voice last week though, I was astounded how truly malicious people were.  The use of foul language and threats flourished.  People were insulting other people because they liked Country music or a certain artist.  Danielle commented on how grateful she was to be a part of the show and how excited that she was that the team was traveling with Blake Shelton to Oklahoma to do a song in the concert, Healing in the Heartland.  A woman my age commented, “I hope you do not sing that would ruin my night because I have tickets.”  I wanted to write back and ask if she would appreciate someone speaking to her child that way.  Seriously, I know we all get to make a choice about which artists to support but where did it say we have to malign the others to be effectual?  It does not make any sense to me that grownups stomp their feet like two year olds and throw tantrums online.  You should be ashamed.  Here is a thought, take a minute before you post.  Think about the words you are sending out into the cyber world then decide if that is really what you wish to portray to other people about yourself.  Your opinion does matter but no one really needs more negativity.

          The last situation was a bit more personal.  I want to represent this fairly and yet at the same time I believe my thoughts are biased. He is my daughter’s age.  He and a young woman had a child together when they were teens.  For a time, they were together then because of deceit on her part as well as her inability to remain faithful, they parted ways.  A custody arrangement was reached and life went on from that point.  One would assume that they understood that they were incompatible even though they would always share a child.  Nevertheless, this young man moves on to others then goes back to the baby’s mother when the other relationship folds. In one week, he went from being engaged to the worst day of his life to in a relationship on Facebook. Now, none of this is my personal business.  Whom he dates, sleeps with, or even how long is not in my control nor do I really care about them.  However, the issue is this. He made it a public controversy by posting it a very public place. When people began to object to his choice, he was naturally defensive.  It was posted that when you have broken up with the same person five other times, what did he really expect to happen when they get back together yet again? Well, life and experience would say you should expect you are beating your head against the same wall and in the end he will more than likely get the same result.  No one really wants to see this young man harmed and certainly, we do not wish to see a young child suffer.  At some point though, he had to expect that people would have a less than enthusiastic if not hostile approach to this ongoing drama.  If he had chosen to just live it out without advertisement, no one would have been the wiser and the obvious commotion would have been avoided.  There would have been no hurt feelings or disagreements among friends.  His choice was to tell it from the mountains and be angry when people did not receive the news well.  My thought is he must really enjoy the attention and the spectacle or he would make an attempt to rectify the situation and move past the past.  In his eyes though, he is making a wise decision for his child.  Who can fault that? But then again, who can fault a person for being cynical about the outcome of a relationship that has failed five times already?

          I try very hard NOT to pass judgment on people. However, at times, and in certain situation such as these I find it hard to be silent.  I opt to do my own thinking and I am usually the person swimming against the tide of public opinion.  However, it does come down to this. When we post on social medias to distribute a personal fact, ask for advice or thoughts, or give our personal opinions and thoughts, it becomes public domain. It is no longer private. It does allow everyone an opportunity to offer his or her own thoughts, twists the situation, and be abusive to you. The only true part that you can control is the option of sharing to begin with. If you invite people in by opening the door, you can not be surprised when they come through it.   Life is about growing and moving forward.  Sometimes, you will fall down and you need help to get back up.
      For an artist, singer, or a writer, it is truly not an option to remain hidden. We can only grow and prosper by sharing.  It does not mean that ridicule and negative attitudes do not take a large toll on our success and our character.  Sharing is hard. The vulnerability alone is overwhelming at times. That is the path of our given profession though. So onward we go.  We still like to believe that we will be received kindly and that even if you are not a fan of the work that you can be human enough to recognize the effort and obliging enough to use words you would not mind hearing.  

      My private life is mine. What I share here is what you are entitled to no more, no less.   The same is true is with every other person.  The questions I ask you are these; just because you have a diminishing opinion does that mean you cannot find a positive way to make your point? Can you accept that just because you feel strongly about a given subject that I might not share in your thought process? The Dali Llama said, “People take different roads seeking fulfillment and happiness, just because they are not on your road does not mean they are lost.”  I cannot tell you if your path is correct only you can do that.  I can walk with you but by allowing me to choose the direction means that you are no longer taking your path but walking mine instead.  No one is completely judgment free.  No one has a completely unconditional to approach in life or love. You can strive to be more accepting and forgiving.  You can strive to kinder and meeker. You can attempt to be more constructive in your criticisms and attitudes with others. You can choose not to let others be your voice.  You can choose how you will react and handle the trying moments. You can choose what to keep private and what to share. Those choices are well within your control. It is only up to you to make them now. I hope you will make the rights ones for you and that you will accept that when you offer yourself or situation to the poll of public opinion the outcome at times will be disheartening at which point you have to just keep going.

A wise man makes his own decisions,

An Ignorant man follows public opinion.

~Chinese Proverb