Sunday, June 30, 2013

It's My Fault

         
       I read a quote the other day as I began to think about writing this blog piece that when we make a wrong choice the first time it is a mistake but when we make the same mistake again it is a choice.  It perplexed me for a bit. Everything time we have options it is a choice and just because we have a bad outcome in the beginning does not necessarily mean it is a “bad choice”.  There are so many variables in life that once cannot begin to believe that if we fall down it is simply because we make the ex same mistake.  That statement would not even be logical because no situation is the same and no two people are the same. I guess I would amend the quote this way.  When at first you do not succeed, access what you did wrong and try to do it a better way next time keeping in mind of course the at not all thing are in the realm of your control. I know it is not nearly as poetic but it is much more accurate. 

Love is a glorious, wonderful emotion.  We all seek it out in the people around us.  I think it is important to our emotion development.  As in all facets of life though, the opposite side of love is loss. One of the hardest realizations in life is to admit that any relationship is not what we think it is.  It is especially hard when it comes to a love liaison.  We all want to believe we have it figured out.  Maybe those that have made it for a long period of time have.  In truth though, love is a risk. Those who have great role models probably have a better chance than those of us who do not.   Nonetheless, it is still a risk. There is no guarantee.  The divorce rate in America for first marriage, second, and third marriage are incredibly staggering.  50% percent of first marriages, 67% of second and 74% of third marriages end in divorce, according to Jennifer Baker of the Forest Institute of Professional Psychology in Springfield, Missouri. With odds like these, you have to admit it is makes no sense.  You just have to jump into the deep end of the ocean and learn to swim.
So what leads us to make the choices we do? Psychologists say that our parents are our role models.  Our parents show us what marriage or commitment should be to one another but they also demonstrate those characteristics that we will eventually look for in a mate.  For some like myself, we make choices based on the opposite things our parents did because their failures were blazingly obvious and we do not wish to repeat them.  For others whose parents have been committed for a lifetime and celebrated their umpteenth anniversary, they will choose to emulate what they have seen from their parents.  Truth is truth though; neither of these nor all the self-help books and psychologists assures us of a positive outcome.
When it breaks, it can be fixed but often, people are not willing to admit their own failings in order to fix it.   Thus, the end is at hand. 
          There are situations outside the realm of your control but in the end, all of your actions and reactions are your own fault.  If you allow the pain to make you a bitter person, that is your fault not the person that hurt you.  It is your failure to accept and ending that causes the pain. I am not saying you should not feel pain but eventually you have to be willing to move past it to go on. If the person that you chose turns out to be a wrong for you, it is your fault not theirs. YOU have to be willing to adapt your thought process and learn what made them a wrong choice. If you are being controlled that is your issue too you are allowing your passiveness to create the situation.         (Now most of you are working on a huge frustration with my words right about now. I can hear the mutterings of it is all my fault going up all around the cyber world, probably a few not so nice words too. You should know by now though I am not done heck you are only 700 words into the article. So take a deep breath and read a bit further.)
          Life as it happens is about choice, your own free will. While the situations are often outside your control, how they affect you and how you deal with them is in your control.  I used to cringe when my ex husband would say it is all your fault. He meant it so negatively. However, when I was forced to make decisions and I had no input, it was my responsibility to make them and in turn to accept the outcome. Some of them were bad and some turned out far better than I thought they might. Good or bad, they were my choices.  I often laugh with my friend Barb about this phrase now. Our teenagers have often found blame with us about the outcomes or something they are frustrated with us about the things we do. They are our choices and while our choices influence them.  In the end, they are only responsible for how they allow it to sway their emotions.  If you are unwilling to make the decision, unable to decide, or not a part of the initial issue then in truth, you are at fault when the outcome affects you because you made no effort to encourage a positive result or work the negative conclusion.
          Life can be positive, even the worst of situations can bring us positive growth.  We have to be willing to work through our problems, talk about them, and ultimately resolve them.  White elephants in the room often grow into bigger elephants when they are left unresolved.  I cannot think of one person that I would deem emotionally stable that desires drama and conflict.  I think in the end, we all want to get along for the most part.  Occasionally, though disagreement is a healthy form of communication.  It helps us to resolve emotions, thoughts, and ideas that arise from any number of situations in our lives.  It only becomes harmful when we allow it to become unconstructive and demoralizing.
          Bad things happen all the time.  Sometimes in our lives, we are forced to choose the lesser of two evils.  While every outcome seems to bring a different sort of misery, we have to choose. I am different from most people in some respects simply because I accept that cruelty is inevitable, I try not to spend a lot of time questioning the why but a little more time accepting that it has occurred and trying to glean some lesson from its incidence. As I am not excepting a bowl of cherries in the first place, I am not that frustrated when it turns out to be the pits instead. I talk out my frustrations and I move on.  I try to leave the past behind me where it belongs and just carry forth the lessons I have learned but as my friends Stephen and D point out to me, sometimes the morals I brought forward are sometimes more baggage than I need to carry.  We should always be willing to see the world through someone else’s eyes.  Often their point of view can be clearer than our own. 
          In the movie, Letters to Juliet, the character Claire says to her grandson, Charlie, “Life is the messy bits.”  That statement says it all.  When I die, some will say she loved, some will say she lost, some will say she was a success and other will remember my failures but all of them will say she lived. My choices are my life. Good and bad, I am to blame for them but I lived them. Sometimes I dragged my kids kicking and screaming toward the dream of tomorrow but we have all learned to smile at life and enjoy the small details because some days that is all you get the small moments.  So celebrate that life is all your fault. It only means you are strong enough to have lived.
         
         




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