How do you Pack?

             

       I was watching as Kyrie, my daughter, made her packing list.  She had taken a nanny job from her father and stepmother.  While they were out of town, she was going to care for her younger brother and sister.  She is a busy young woman these days with a full time job, the after school nanny transport of her siblings and a couple of other friends teens plus a full time class schedule of painting and drawing.   Our small family room is overrun with canvas, charcoal, paints, easels, and all the various art supplies that come with her studies.   I wondered how in the world she would move all the things she needs and uses every week to their house or even begin to minimize for transportation.  Over the week she would text and call to say, “Hey I forgot this and that.”  She knew exactly where it was and how much she needed.   She would was very direct about not over packing.  What seemed to fit neatly in one bag had now become multiple trips home for more and more bags.  I would just smile and shake my head knowing that sooner or later it would all be returning here to the same spot it had vacated.  When she came home, the bags lined the office, the pillows, the suitcase…  She proclaimed it was just exhausting to be away.  The things set sprawled out for a few days and in her own time she put them away.   I know this is true but in some respects I was a bit shocked because she is so organized, we often accuse her of being OCD or as she would say CDO.   Hence, the fact that things somewhat just sat in the bags and the suitcase for a few days was a bit of puzzlement to me.  Eventually, all the things went back to their proper place and life returned to its neat and precise world.  She just needed some time off the emotional and busy roller coaster to deal with baggage.

                Me, I am the over packer.  I take more than I can ever wear.  It is crazy.  I pack my brown skirt. Subsequently I pack my favorite top to wear with it, then what if I take the dressy top too for going out, and of course, I should think about a long sleeved blouse to go with it in case there is a chill in the air but then maybe I should also consider my brown pants.  One outfit has now become three or four and needless to say, there also multiple shoe choices to make to go with them like flats for the day and pumps for dressing up or maybe sandals.  In the end, it is all of them just in case. On and on goes the struggle until at last, the suitcase is full beyond its capacity and I have to have another bag for the personal necessities. I enviably need to buy something new to supplement my older things too. For instance, when I went to Greece, with my friend Barb, I bought two new dresses and a swimming suit.  I wore one of the dresses on vacation the other hung in my closet until I finally sold it in the garage sale with the tags still on it.  I like the feeling that I am prepared for all the things.  I need multiple choices because I do not want to feel tied down to that one thing but in truth I am so busy preparing for all the outcomes that I cannot see how cluttered I make the suitcase.  When I get home, I anxiously go through the cases for all the mementos I bring back and cherishing the moments in time they represent.  Usually I try to get the things put away in short order so I can get on with just the happy moments. I can hardly wait to share them with everyone and talk endlessly about the things I did or saw.  Some things I will not use again until the next trip other I will use right away.  I always vow to be more precise on the next trip but I know in my heart I will be forever the over packer.

                One of my friends is the necessity packer.   She makes due with only the bare essential.               She will wear the same outfit more than once. She plans for only the thought that she is gone x number of days and she is doing only certain things.   There are times I have been envious that she seemed to be so focused but then the issue became simply  all the what if’s.  What if there was a sudden turn in the weather?  What if there were dress requirements at certain place she was really wanted to dine? In the end, the rigidity of her packing often left her unprepared for the unforeseen events thus changing what was a wonderful moment in time to the aggravating situation.  Either she had to endure the issue in agony or she had to go try to find something to fix the problem.  The plans she had so carefully constructed were then put on hold or even cancelled.  She would come to regret her packing choices and lived with disappointment of that she was unable to do all the things she had planned.  I always hope she learned a valuable lesson in that she would do a better job next time.  Sometimes though, it worked just the way it was supposed to and life was just grand.   In the end though there is no little room for all the extras that we tend to acquire on vacation so she makes do with a few special things and goes on her merry way.

                As I pondered writing this blog, I realized that these are all representative of the baggage we have in life as well.  Life is like a huge trip and what we pack, the lessons we learn, and what we do with them is much like how we pack for a vacation.  We all have unique ways in which we do it and deal with it in the end. Both our packing and unpacking  emulate our life choices. 

                For instance, in the case of my daughter, she is very precise about the issues in her life.   She is very good at identifying the problem, adapting, and overcoming.   She is not great at letting go of the issue though.  It can sit there as my friend Barb would say like the white elephant in the middle of the room until she processes it and eventually bit by bit it is put away.  She is can be a bit of hoarder at times though so sometimes the white elephants stay around far longer than I would like or even she would like.  I am not sure she intends it to be that way but by the time its over she is mentally exhausted and just needs that time to build up her strength before she can put it away.  I think it is healthy in most respects because I do know eventually the problem will be solved and the white elephant will be dealt with and life will go on.  She will have gleaned the positive messages.  It only becomes a negative is you leave the bags and the suitcases unpacked and continually ignore them all together.   Can you imagine have a suitcase sitting in your room for weeks or years and never really dealing with the contents of it? I do not think any can actually say yes in earnest.  Yes, for a limited time like my daughter, you can walk around it but at some point no matter how long it is eventually, you have to deal with the baggage.  You have to unpack it and put it in its place.  No one likes difficulty or confrontation really but it is one of those necessary evils at times.   We make the biggest changes in our lives when we are amidst the trouble times of our lives.   Sometimes space and time make the job much lighter not to mention a more positive attitude can shape the outcome in an entirely different manner.

                For us over packers, I can say I share your burdens.  My friend Stephen who so graciously reminds me that I am over thinking and taking on too much, I feel a bit like he is follows behind me taking things out of the suitcase saying you do not need this or that. Truth is simply this though, when your head is so full of what if’s you make it bigger than it has to be. No one, no matter how equipped, no matter how introspective you are, no matter discernative, will you have covered all the bases.  In time, you will have forgotten something and you will be hit with the fact that you are overwhelmed.  It is commendable to want to work it out but in the end, you just have to deal with what is and put it away all the extra clutter. When you realize that you have all the extras you are not going to use then get rid of them.  Do not be afraid to let go.  What good does holding onto the past or its pain do any one in reality?  If I sit and think about it, I could recount all the thorns that have stuck me in the past and while in some ways I still bear part of the scars for the most part, I look back with happiness. For instances, I was in a very bad marriage for many years to not a nice man. It was painful and getting out of it was even more disagreeable but today I can say I would not change it.  I have four amazing, beautiful, genuinely loving children.  We made those kids together.  I cannot imagine not having them.  I can honestly say I was not strong enough to leave before the day it happened.  I needed to go the distance, wear all my possible outfits so to speak before I knew it was time to take my leave.

                The under packer in some respects collects less clutter but I hazard a guess to say that they get more than their fair share of disappointments.  Imagine packing for a trip to an island paradise.  You throw in your bathing suit and your flip-flops maybe a cover up then you get there and it is the worst tropical storm in history.  You are suddenly cold and shivering.  You regret not checking the weather.  You regret not throwing in a sweatshirt and jeans.  While you want to go shopping for something new and warm, you options are limited.  Life is seldom tidy and easy.   You have to be prepared or at least willing to acknowledge that the weather can change at any minute or you have doomed to regrets and upsets.   It is one thing to let go of all the unnecessary baggage in life but it is very different to acknowledge its possibilities because bad things happen even to the best of us.   All the should have, could have, and I wish I hads will not change that.   I know so many people that bury their heads in the sand and cannot face the problems that arise in their lives.   They turn into bitter people, angry that the storms of life ruined their perfect vacation. They blame everyone and everything else for their unhappiness and misadventures.  Truth is they just did not prepare for what was to come. Burying your head in the sand will not change the outcome.

I think it is admirable if in the end you can take way the treasures instead of the burdens.   Life’s lessons are seldom easy to learn but if you see them as a blessing then you can cherish the travels and the precious moments.  It is like bringing home a post card.  You buy the one vision that appeals to you and in your mind it perfectly captures the special place in the way you memories see it.  It does not mean that you will not remember the rain but the way it glistened on the leaves of the trees as the rainbow came out.  We all are caught up in the arrival.  We are THERE.  The missing piece of the puzzle is that the journey is the happiness, its moving toward the destination that makes all the difference because once you have arrived all that is left is the unpacking and the end.   Like my daughter, realize when you just need a break before you deal with the stress.   Ignoring it all together is unhealthy and will not change the truth, take your time if you need it.   Deal with what you can when you can.  My advice to you is enjoy the getting there, take away something positive from having arrived, and in the end, unpack and let go. You can only move on if you unpack first.