Lessons of the Garage Sale

         

       I am not the garage sale kind of person really usually I have one when it is time for me to sale my old dishes so I can justify buying new ones.  My best friend Barb though needs to downsize and clean out closets in preparation for downsizing from her house to a smaller place so I volunteered to help her out.  We set the date when Barb was out of town at her son’s football game because we were needed to critter sit anyway. We were going to be staying there so it killed two birds with one stone. It gave her a good three weeks of time to gather and rummage through the closets and storage boxes. It was an out of town game for the Missouri Tigers so we would not be competing with football tailgating. While the weather was predicted to be a bit cool and damp and it was.  It was a winning plan.

Since, in truth, I do not have a lot of experience with the sale circuit I am often as amused by the people that come in, as I am bewildered.  Certainly, Saturday, was no exception to this rule.  One of the things that are so fun is the stories that you hear from patrons. My daughter and I are both very social so I often find people want to chat I learn a lot about people in general through these innocents conversations.  I find that they tend to speak more truth in casual conversation.  I like when people feel relaxed enough to be themselves.  It is a good time to learn.

The first lesson was even before it started. A seemingly unimportant thought spoken by barb as she was cleaning out stuff, “I am cleaning out the clutter with little regard to where I got it or who gave it to me.”  I said replied, “That is great.”  At the time, I meant it but I really did not fully understand its value until later when we were setting up for the sale. We often are bogged down by our past baggage.  Both emotionally and physically, presents that our great aunt gave us that we had no use for and never wanted to begin with but we do not part with them out of respect.  We harbor hurt, pain and we use it against the next person that comes into our lives even though they are not the same person.  Actually, when you think about it from a Barb’s point of view, there is a huge lesson.  By clearing out the closets, we are able to let go of things that keep us tied to uncomfortable and painful times in our lives.  While we know that Aunt Sally meant well, she really created a sense of guilt, that weigh lays from fully experiencing great joy.  So be respectful and say thanks but keep in mind that not liking your situation or someone else’s gift does not make you a bad person it just means that the person giving it did their best to make you smile but we are all human and make mistakes.  It does not mean that her next gift will not be more wonderful or that Aunt Polly’s gift is going to have the same lack luster effect.  The lesson is simple being true to yourself sometimes means we unintentionally hurt others.  Let it go. Punishing yourself or another for it keeps your life cluttered.  Move on, keeping in mind, that you can only find the joy if you clean put the closets to make room for something new and wonderful.

                I started the morning with the driver.  Now it is not unusual for people to come early.  If you say seven o’clock then people are gathering at fifteen minutes early or so.  They want to be the first to get a “good deal”.  This always fascinates me because obviously you are going to buy an item at a small fraction of the cost you would normally pay in a store because it s used.  Is that not by definition a deal? Anyway, getting back to the driver, at half past we were letting the dog out and we noticed a van driving by very slowly.  A few minutes later letting her back in the van was driving by the opposite direction like pacing with in a car. Now we determined it was probably a potential customer so we opted not to be alarmed but we mused as we watched from the window and the garage that she drove back and forth at least two dozen times. Her complete impatience was notable and made us (my daughter and I) even more determined to wait until the last moment to open. Finally, at five minutes until seven, we opened the door.  In thirty seconds, she was in the driveway. She came with a purpose. In the time talking, she knew what she wanted and she had been determined to be the first there so she could obtain them, the Longaberger baskets.  In her eyes, they were prize of all prizes. Her actions and her determination were in truth a bit inspiring. She set a goal and she determined the best course of action to achieve it though her path was blocked with a bit of resistance on our part she was not thwarted from her plan. It was very impressive.  Every day, our plans go awry and we forced by circumstance to find new paths or to wait but often we allow the circumstances of disruption to circumvent our success.  Instead, we divert to a new path and new goal and just pretend the other one does not matter anymore. The lesson to be learned is that if it was an important goal then waiting for it and working toward are important enough to deserve concentration.  It may not be easy but it is worthwhile.

                The second was the hoarder.  Now my daughter and I felt more than a bit guilty about selling her stuff when she relayed to us her story.  She said she buys trinkets and decorations that she takes home and puts into one room.  She says she loves them all but in the end her son will move them to the basement and sometime thorough out the year they are forced to have a garage sale of their own to resale all the “treasures” she bought at other sales.   Now, we laughed hysterically and in truth, it is still humorous now but it is ten kinds of wrong.  How do you have an intervention with someone you do not know about an addiction I am not sure how to describe?  What do you do?  I think we chose to see the humor because the alternative was a bit scary.  In life, we find those people that codependent on drugs, alcohol, shopping and gambling to name a few.  While there is no easy understanding of addiction, as we all know there is some underlying gratification and escape they get in their consumption.  They escape some sadness by filling it with some habit that if even that makes them feel better for a little while.  Unfortunately, we all know that things cannot make us happy.  We have to find happiness within ourselves.   I was barraged with mixed emotions; guilt was one of the biggest.  Enabling an addiction is horrible but easy to do.   We all think we are not part of the problem but in truth if you allow it to happen by participating then you are as much of a problem as the addiction itself.  You have to be strong and stand up.  Fighting  for the correct “RIGHT” thing is not usually the easy way out but it does tend to be the most rewarding.  

                We have all heard the saying that one man’s junk is another man’s treasure.  My friend put a pair of small diamond earrings on the table for sale. She told me secretly that they were a must sale item.  They were the first present her ex husband had ever given her and in attempt to divest herself of past she felt it was time they were gone. I entrusted my daughter with the information and we had decided regardless if they sold here or we had to take them to a pawnshop we make sure they received a new home.  About mid morning, a middle age man came in and he picked them up and smiled hugely.  He asked if they were real gold and real stones to which I replied with a definite yes.  He related to me that is daughter had just turned thirteen and as a marking of her becoming teenager they had allowed her to have her ears pierced.  She however, had an allergy to certain metals so new earrings were very expensive.  He bought them and he left with a deep smile. His parting words were so wonderful. “Thank you because today I get to be my daughter’s hero.”  We, as parents, all like those moments when we see the happiness that something we have done for them is so appreciated.  It has is hard currently when it seems that so many children have so much to find those aha moments with them.  It reminded me though sometimes the greatest gifts are not about how much they cost but how much effort you put into finding the perfect gift for them.  It is about time and efforts looking until you find that one thing that speaks volumes to you even if it is from the garage sale.

                The next was the con man.  There was a man that was looking at the table of music discs.  They were listed for a dollar apiece. Nowadays many people have gone to mp3 players so the sale of discs has declined. I mean who wants a whole disc where you might not like all the songs when you can just download the music you really do want.  However, most of it was popular artists both country and rock as well as some classical so the thought was that cheap enough they would all go.   This man comes in and from the very beginning; I knew that it was going to be an exercise in frustration for me.  If it was marked for a quarter then he wanted to pay five cents.  Now I have a general rule Keep it simple stupid.  I do not want to deal with the nickel and dime and penny stuff.  If it is only worth a nickel, then why sell it period just give it away.  So we butted heads continually I will give you a dime. It is a quarter. The cds were a dollar and he looks through them saying aloud to himself, I could resale these so I will give you a quarter for each one.   Now I was a bit tempted, at first just to make some money but the thought he was going to resale them to make more money frustrated me.  Therefore, I made the executive decision to resale them myself.  He replied by saying to me I was a stupid white woman.  REALLY? First, what does my race have to do with anything?  Secondly, what does my gender either?  Seriously, I really do not like to be taken advantage of nor do I want to take advantage of anyone else.   It is a simple life rule.  Everyday there is that con man that is willing to let you feel bad about yourself, willing to kick you when you are down, or willing to help himself to what is yours. It is up to you to fight the good fight and to recognize trouble when it walks in.  If you allow it to happen then it is your fault you are the victim.  Stand up and be bold, be your own best advocate.  Just say no.

                Sometimes life brings us lessons when we least expect them.  I realize that seeing the lessons through the eyes of strangers that I could see the value in who I am.  I was reminded repeatedly that my smile and gentle kindness could touch any heart.  Not every task is going to be a success but the failure is only in the failing to try.   Relationships are the joy of life and that in failing to risk our hearts we cheat ourselves.  Yes, it took a garage sale for me to see what was right in front of me, both good and bad but I honestly think that in truth it is because we get so busy we forget to look.  If you are roaring through life making money and looking good, perhaps it is time for you take a moment to reflect on the journey.  The treasure is not in the bargain you take home but in the value of the heart you put into the thought.  No matter how much money you make, what kind of clothes you have, or where you live, you are worthy of the greatness in life.  Do not be tempted to settle for less because in making the bargain you cheat yourself. Life will bring you challenges, throw up roadblocks, and even bless you with mean people but just keep going because this too shall pass and it is the journey that truly matters.  Someone will find the value in the treasures you leave behind.   Look to the future with hope and do not be afraid to stop occasionally and clear out the closets of your past clutter.  

Bad Service

              So yesterday as is always the case on the first, I took my child support check to my ex husband’s bank to cash it so that I do not have to wait the five days to have it put into my account and pay the first of the month bills. I was in a minor hurry because it was already 4:30 in the afternoon and I was hoping to make several stops before the five o’clock deadline like the utility company and the telephone company that both also close at five.  Though I was not impressed to be kept waiting for several minutes while the bank clerk read her card from Hallmark and chatted with overly loud and unruly customer at the next window, I approached with a smile and this was our conversation.

                Me:  I need to cash this check please.

                Her:  (Not one word)

                Several minutes go by

                Her: (to the customer and teller at the next window) give her a cashier’s check.  She is such a goof but she makes me laugh.  What are you up to today?

                Working on my check and looking at this account.

                Her: (to me) you are not on his account.

                Me: No, I am not and I do not have an account with this bank.  (Thinking loudly, well no, dah!  He is my EX for a reason and you usually do not keep joint accounts with your ex-spouses.)

                Her: Fine

                She begins counting out the money, which is the neighborhood of two thousand dollars, in tens and twenties.

                Me: I would prefer big bills.

                Her: No, You cannot have them because real people will be coming into the bank to cash their checks on the first.

                Me: Excuse me

                Her:  (counting as fast as possible and as loudly as possible until concluded) Here (shoving my I.D. at me) I guess you will want an envelope for that too. Goodbye

                Me:  Not one word

                Now at this point I have suffered through her rolling her eyes three times which for me is three times too many and about ten minutes of rudeness so I grabbed them from her and turned away with more than a little disgust written on my face and in my actions.  So for a closing remark she very loudly announces across the lobby, “Your welcome too! Have a nice day.”

                I left the bank as quickly as possible to count myself into calming down.  I had to stop and recount the money in private because I had no idea if it was correct.  My daughter returned to the car and reported that she was that rude to her too even though she was actually just depositing her money into her actual account. I was so angry I was crying.  The teller had actually gotten the wrong amount deposited twice and my daughter had to complain to make her do it a third time. 

                I was totally disgusted as was the next bank teller when she looked at me and said,

 “Oh my gosh, what happened here?”  As I related the story to her, I could feel the ire growing again too. She said, “Let me take care of this not to worry but I will tell you who to call so you can make a proper complaint.”

                Now after a few hours of rest, I am ready to tackle the issue.  Here is how I see it.  She is paid to stand behind the counter as a teller and to politely deal with any customer as best she can.  I am a real person; I had real business with this bank. I was entitled to a modicum of decency and courtesy. I find more and more often that people especially those in the service industries have forgotten that element of their situation.  I was reading a sign that in a local restaurant: Remember to leave a GOOD tip your waiter deserves it.  Hmmm… How do they know? Because I have sat in that restaurant when I got lousy service and waited forever for my food and I am not inclined to leave a tip to someone I feel has not earned it.  On the other hand, I have been known to leave great tips to those who have been friendly and receptive.   I wonder all the time when I am standing in a line of ten people and there are ten or more unused registers at Wal Mart and the grocery store why I even bother to give them my business. Seriously, their bottom line is affecting my bottom line too.  The more time I am tied up waiting the less time I have to study, coach, and write which in turn means less income for my family.   It is so frustrating to be told I NEED to have more patience while my needs are being ignored.  Normally, I am fairly laid back person.  I try very hard to be kind and listen.  I excel at being other centered.  However, even I have my limits. 

                Now as I was looking for a photo header for this column I discovered they actually have databases for bad tippers.  Blogs and sites dedicated to the poor waiters who have been wronged by poor tippers and customers.  I was reading them complain about their customers and call them ugly names.  One server referred to her customer as a stupid fat f***.   Other writers were patting her on the back for telling the woman off.  Really?  There were thirty-four pages of listings for my state alone.  I was horrified by remarks like B****, Darkies, trailer trash, ect.  Wow!  They wonder why they are not getting tips.  Could it be that they need to change their service.   There was one restaurant that had 20 pages of complaints.  I was tempted to call and ask their management staff if they were aware that were listed so many times, what they thought it meant about their establishment, and what they thought it portrayed to present and future customers.  I know for myself I have made a mental note of the restaurant and I will not be going there.

                Every company deals with bad service in different ways.  Some just do not care because they feel they are not paid enough to care or they are not going to change anything anyway.  Other will listen attentively but do nothing.  They feel listening is enough pacification that no action is really required and in some cases and respects that may be true.  The problem I have is that by not following up on the problem it is like another slap in the face.  I did not appreciate the bad service.  I do not want to be ignored. Finally, if I am truly at the point to call in a manager, I need to feel that some correction for the issue is on the way not necessarily compensation but the righting of the wrong.

The genuinely good companies will listen to the problem and do everything in their nature to correct the issue.  They tend to be humble and offer their apologies.  Sometimes, they offer a minor act of contrition to sooth your hard feelings. I think that is amazing.  I started thinking about my experience at the bank and what I really wanted in order to put it away.  I realized I wanted someone to acknowledge the problem.  I was not looking for her to lose her job but to understand sincerely that she is a reflection of the bank and her attitude was inappropriate.

Yes, I agree that I did not truly handle the situation well either. I truly despise when people roll their eyes. I do not think there could be another action that is so filled with obvious disrespect.  That shortened my fuse immensely.  I am not great at waiting because I do have many other things to do too so I know that further complicated the situation.  However, that being said if this had been a waiter, I would not have tipped and I would have felt just as discontented. 

So what is the appropriate form of action for bad service?  I took a small poll on Facebook.  Most people agreed that they do not leave tips or at least small tips to servers who give them bad service. Others agree that they speak to the managers before or after they leave.  Some admit they just grumble about it. For me, I am an action kind of person. So first, I called the bank manager and now I am writing this blog.  I did wait until I was calm and collected so that I portrayed the situation like a practicing adult rather than an angry child stomping her feet. 

We are all human beings.  We have bad days.  We do things we regret.   We go home and kick the dog because we are mad at our bosses.  I truly understand that but if you work as a customer representative to the public then honestly you have to be able to swallow your bad days, put aside your feelings, and do the job you are hired to do.  When you fall down, then, please, be kind enough to apologize.  People will understand.  We all just want to be treated with courtesy even when we are not at our best.  As children, our parents all drummed into us that two wrongs never make a right.  Be the bigger person.  You cannot know what that person is dealing with or going through.  You do not know when your smile and your kindness can change the day from negative to positive for the other person.  Always try to be aware that your job is to be nice and eventually it will pay off for you.  People will notice from the customer to the boss.

I want to leave you with a story of a different note.  Recently, a young man in Dairy Queen was waiting on a partially blind man.  The man dropped a twenty-dollar bill on the floor in his attempt to pay for his purchase. The clerk noticed and went to pick it up but another woman in line picked it up and pocketed it.  The clerk asked her kindly to return the money but she refused.  He ejected her from the store refusing to give her service.  He later took money from his own wallet and returned it to the gentleman.  Other customers called the manager to inform them of his heroic deed.  His reward was not only the sense of doing the right thing for the right reason but later he was promoted by his company. 

          People are always watching.   Be genuine and people notice.  The rewards are countless.   If you choose to be the malicious, discourteous, and disrespectful person that too will be rewarded with its just desserts. You are in charge of your destiny but do not be surprised when the people you failed to assist express their issues about you. No one is to blame for your lack of service and it is my right not reward you for a job done poorly.